she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
