The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Randomize
