overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
and she was petting her beer can
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
