they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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