first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
why does every cop we meet know your name?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
