I want to stick my p in your. b.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
