Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
