loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize