are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
