this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
