i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Randomize
