Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
