We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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