I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
