can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
