I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
