I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
