we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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