Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I think your dad took our porno
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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