Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
