i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Pants are for mortals
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
