he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
