the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i just google imaged poop.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
