so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
