btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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