its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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