just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize