I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
