I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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