Kareoke will never be a sober sport
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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