Small penises have feelings too.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
