I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
