I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
