i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Randomize
