Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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