Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
