like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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