The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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