get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
