You're my little dorito
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
