This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
