I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
