u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
