he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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