It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
