no. you can't hotbox the world.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
