I am full of burrito and curiosity
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
