LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
