when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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