There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
