I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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