I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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