TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
