Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
