So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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