My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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