Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
