drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
