I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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