i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
