It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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