don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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