Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Randomize
