The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
