I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
