Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
