I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
