i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
