how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
