the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize