I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Houston, we have a blender
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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