you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
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