I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
