Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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