yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Sext me about skeletons
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
